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    forbearance/

    This is the word.

    This was my day.

    The computer at work frozen and beach balling. Kill signs on pages, the sad screen face blank eyed and dead. 2008 not talking to 2011, doc with the little addition of an x. The server taking five minutes to load. Too many voices, too many needs, the to do list never to done.

    Sometimes that is just the day. Sometimes you need the night to wash it away, stars revealed by the earth turning you away from light. So other light can be seen. I never remember, when the leaves glimmer and twitch and color is turned up on the land, that they are there all the time, watching through the gauze of sky.

    Maybe tomorrow, when the robins begin to sing at 4am and light tendrils over the eastern ridges, mist low in the mountain's crevices... maybe I'll remember that there are whirling balls of gas pinpointing the ether, behind the vapor we call clouds. If only I had a sexton and a compass. Or remembered to breathe.

    It is hard to remember we live on a rock, spinning in space. If I think about it too much, it seems implausible. Somtimes it is just easier to wish on the first light you see as you fall away from what is known, see if it will answer your prayers.

    And somewhere, someone will throw the computer out the third story window into the river below, a comet with a shining trail of cords arcing before splashing down, to float away towards an inland sea. Then cackle and wheeze, all her carefully honed meditation skills tossed out the window with the beach ball and replaced with brew of glee.

    Of course I powered down. Turned it off. Will see what happens in the morning. Cause that is the word of the day. Oh but just once to let go, shoot the moon.

    And damn Apple and their icons. Beachballing, fucking ridiculous. Who verbs a noun like that?

    forbearance

    [fawr-bair-uh ns]

    noun

    1. patient self-control; restraint and tolerance."forbearance from taking action"

    synonyms: tolerance, patience, resignation, endurance, fortitude, stoicism; leniency, clemency, indulgence; restraint, self-restraint, self-control

    2. the act of forbearing; a refraining from something; able to deal with a difficult person or situation without becoming angry.

    3. forbearing conduct or quality; patient endurance; self-control.

    4. an abstaining from the enforcement of a right.

    5. a creditor's giving of indulgence after the day originally fixed for payment.

    Origin

    from forebear ( to refrain or abstain from; to hold back; endure; bear) 1570-80; forbear1+ -ance 1570s, originally legal, in reference to enforcement of debt obligations; General sense of "refraining from" is from1590s.

    #forbearance

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